I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
