i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
