the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
