Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
