and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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