____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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