I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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