I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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