I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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