SEEEEXXX PLEASE
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
