i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
