no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
