Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
