Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
