My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
