There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Apparently you make a good broom.
too bad you live with your parents still
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
