remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
