sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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