the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
