I accidentally burped into my bong.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
