i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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