Your mouth is God's brothel.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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