Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Drunk is a universal language darling
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
