I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
