I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Randomize
