D3 body, D1 cock
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
