I hate your face
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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