I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
