So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
