i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
