you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
