the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
