We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I need a beard to bite.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
