Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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