I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
