In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
