I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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