sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
