I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
