Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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