For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just found puke in my bra..
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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