This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
