Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
