found the other keg... it's in the tree
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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