All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
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Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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