This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
