drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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