i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
