blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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