I heard we made out
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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