Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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