Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
