video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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