I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
