Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
