I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
