jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
wow bdsm is so cute
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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