I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize