i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
