i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
