my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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