Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
