At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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