My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
